不敢...

你知道吗?

我已经不敢再相信爱情了

我不知道还有什么可以相信了

因为每次到了最后的最后

所努力付出的一切都
等于零....

再怎么痛

我都不敢再告诉你

我找不回原来的自己

再怎么伤心

我也只能在没有人的夜里

偷偷的的哭泣

我还是那么爱你....

How to love a woman - Bob Marley

What else matters when the one you love makes you smile? :)

Bob Marley

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

- Bob Marley

Come back

Baby I still want you in my life

I need you in my life

Please don't ask me why

I just need you to be here with me

You're the air that I breathe

You're everything in my life

You're everything I have

I will be good, I promise

Come back

Just come back to me

Don't me leave alone

Don't leave me here without you

Do it again for us

For our love

Don't go...Please

Don't go...........................

I love you.

come back. come back. come back. come back. come back. come back. come back. come back.

come back to me, baby!

I need you!!

I cried alone in the night

I cried alone in my bed

I cried alone in my dreams

I cried alone at my work place

I cried all the time when I think about you..

Baby, give us the second chance to prove that everything's right.

I wanna be there for you.
I wanna fight for us.

I never told you

I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep

Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now, 
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

I see your blue eyes
Everytime I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I'm not around you
It's like I'm alone with me

Not strong enough

I'm not strong enough to be without you.

But you just did........

说不出的痛.

The pain in me

Do you know that I let myself treat myself like crap?

I still missing you everyday and night.

I can't rest my mind while I was sleeping, I kept dreaming of you, non-stop.

Everytime you posted something on path, the pictures will appear in my dreams.

(P/S: I dreamt of the "MIA" hotdog which I did for you on our movie date)

I wanna sleep longer cause that's the only way to stay beside you, or even get closer to you..

But those dreams were crap.

It was torturing....

I sleep in pain every night, I thought it would be better when i wake up the next day.

But it didn't work, I still wake up with the pain in me, EVERY-FUCKING-DAY!!

It's like my daily routine, I'm sick of it....

I hate being so vulnerable, I hate it when I lose you AGAIN.

I hate myself for loving you, I hate myself for still missing you like crazy!

I hate myself for not being the one for you!!!

And sometimes, I hate you for just letting go like that.....

Sometimes I wonder how do you do? Are you doing good over there? Do I ever cross your mind? 

Are you talking to someone new? Are you..........

YEAH, I KNOW! IT'S NOT MY FUCKING BUSINESS ANYMORE!! I KNOW!!!!

I just can't help it.

I never knew that our relationship would be so fragile.. 

The thought of "You & Me, Against The World" breaks right after you left me behind.

I wonder how did you make it like everything were so fine?

Do you know how hard I tried not to let myself for crying over you? Do you know how hard is it?? 

It feels like the tears were pulling me down to the floor and it tears my heart when it dropped.....

Do you feel the pain in me? Do you know how pain is it?? Do you know how hard I tried to pull it back?

Do you know???? 

You lock yourself inside your own world, you don't allow anyone to enter the secret world of yours;

I tried, but still..... You asked me to stay out from there.

I can't even reach you when you were down...

For that moment I hate you for being so introverted. WHY??? :(

Since I can't reach you, I'll just be "you". You taught me to not show our emotions, we should keep it to ourselves and deal with it. We shouldn't expose to anyone as we couldn't be so selfish. Yeah, I'm learning all of these now. Trying not to act on it, trying to hide it, trying to be happy, think of other's feelings instead of mine, trying not to contact you even though I miss you like crazy, trying to focus on my work while I get distracted with you on my mind, and yet I have to force myself to focus don't know how-many-million times a day, or may be billion..............I just can't stop thinking of you!!

I want a better me, I wanna be the one for you.

Halloween Night

It was Halloween Night.

The JinLove said wanna go Fry and celebrate as Miii wanna see her cute butch who works as bartender at there. -.-

And, Terrence is back!!!

So, all of us went for Tarot reading, as usual, hahaha....

We ordered 2 bottles of Moscato and started to chill.

Miii felt weird to sit in between of me and her, and she asked if she needs to change with me?

I just said no need cause I don't wanna make her feel like I'm kinda obsess over her.

And this could probably be the best seating arrangement for her to have her "space" even though we already break up.

May be all of our friends already get used to it that we are like "conjoined twins" which will never get separated.

  Hmm.... I miss that! :(

Friends get shocked when they saw our relationship's status.  :'(

That's the biggest fear of mine. I checked Facebook everyday ever since we break up just to make sure that you didn't change the status. I don't why I'm so paranoid about it? 

May be I just can't bear to lose you....

Love you from a distance is all I can do.

But to act like a friend in front of  everyone really kills me silently.

Every time I saw you or pictures of you, my heart beats faster and faster and faster like I just did 100 times of pumping.

I'm not sure whether it's heartache or what... I don't know what it is anymore. 

The way you distant yourself from me breaks my heart.

I can hear it's crying inside me, very loud...

You have you own reasons to make up your mind, and I know you do feel the pain like I do.

For the time being, I will still be there for you.

I can't promise you that I could solve your problem, but I won't let you face it alone. You can call me and I will make you laugh like you just popped thousand happy pills; you don't need to cry in front of me, but I will lend you my shoulder and give you the warmest hug. 

I would do anything just to see you smile, anything. Because, you have the most beautiful smile in the world. :)

Note to myself: Love myself more before I know how to love others. :)

Keep it up, Mos!
The truest test of love is if you're willing to keep fighting for it.







P/S: Love you always, love you still, always have, always will. 
I have to make myself happy, then only I will have the strength to make you more happier.